


When You Leave

by charlieVSuniverse



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Angst, Angst and Feels, Canon Compliant, M/M, POV Adam
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-14
Packaged: 2019-06-27 03:12:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,330
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15676857
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlieVSuniverse/pseuds/charlieVSuniverse
Summary: When Shiro left for a mission, Adam was mad and never wanted to see him again.But when Shiro disappeared, he finally realized what he's lost.





	When You Leave

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning: main character's death!

“Takashi. How important am _I_ to you?”

The words rang in his head loudly the same moment Shiro touched the cursed tile with his hand. Although they were spoken a long, long time ago he could bring them back, like if they were said just this second.

He hung his head low, sadness overflowing him. There was no point in saying what he would or wouldn’t do if he knew how the things will come out, but he couldn’t stop regretting what has happened between them right before he got off onto his mission to Kerberos.

 _Very_ , he thought, answering the question only he could hear, moisture collecting at the corners of his eyes. _Very, very important, Adam_.

He wished he could actually say it to his face.

 

**FOUR YEARS AGO**

When Takashi came in, Adam almost didn’t turn to look at him, too scared of what he would see. Today was the day of his medical tests results and Adam knew they could be only bad or worse - Takashi was ill either too badly to go on another mission, or just enough to go on the last one. He wasn’t sure which he considered which, but both worried him the same - so he overcame himself and finally turned, worry written all over his face

“Everything okay?”

Shiro’s bag landed on a couch with a loud thud and he followed her quickly.

“Iverson thinks I shouldn’t be part of the mission.” Adam couldn’t miss out how mad he sounded. Or heartbroken. “Called in the big guns. Admiral Sanda showed up and tried to convince Sam to remove me from the crew.”

“Well, maybe he’s right.” Takashi knew how Adam felt about all of this; that he was not and would never support him in that matter, finding it way too dangerous. But at least his health wasn’t as bad as he feared... “Maybe you shouldn’t go on a mission. You’ll only be putting yourself at risk”. _And I don’t want to lose you_.

But he didn’t say the last part, finding it way too cheesy and banal. Shiro knew how he felt about this, he probably figured out that part himself, too. There was just no point in adding that. Takashi would understand it, at least at some minimal level. But when he turned towards him, instead of “yeah, maybe you’re right” or “you wanna talk about this?” that he hoped for, Adam got a glare of angry eyes.

“You know how important this is to me. It’s worth the risk!”

They had this argument many times before, but Adam still couldn’t disagree more. His cup hit the saucer so hard it almost broke it, but he didn’t reflect on it for a single second, too busy fighting off all of his emotions, trying to hold up - but failing miserably. Anger took over him way too quickly.

“Takashi. How important am _I_ to you?” He wanted his words to shock Takashi, to send a wave of understanding through his body and shake him to the core. And maybe if he stopped, maybe if he waited for his answer, he would succeed. But he couldn’t bring himself to do so, as the dam inside of him was broken and all of his fears and ire started spilling out. “Every mission, every drill - I’ve been right there with you. But this is _more_ than a mission. This is _your life_ at stake!”

Irritated, Takashi turned his head away, like he was rather an offended child than a grown man. “Don’t start that again, Adam! You don’t need to protect me. This is something I need to do for myself.” And he really did sound like a child, too. Like a child forbidden to go out and play, when it should be doing its homework.

“There’s nothing left for you to prove. You’ve broken every record there is to break. I know I can’t stop you... But I won’t go through this again.” Adam hurt all over and saying these words out loud wasn’t really helping - but not saying them at all wouldn’t change a thing and if he couldn’t reason with Shiro, he had to use every last asset he had to convince him to change his mind. “So if you decide to go... Don’t expect me to be here when you get back.”

 

To be honest, he started regretting his decision almost instantly, but Adam was a man of his word and he couldn’t just change his mind like that, with a snap of fingers. It was his honor on the stake, after all. But his unwritten code didn’t forbid him to hope - so he did.

First and foremost, he hoped their argument would really speak to Takashi’s reason, but it didn’t. More so, they hardly ever talked with each other after and the atmosphere between them got so unpleasant, Takashi would leave the room when Adam entered. And when two weeks later the official permit to go came and the departure date was set, Adam decided to start acting on his promise.

 _Maybe he’ll come to his mind_ , he thought till the very last second. There was one last glimpse of hope in form of a stray tear rolling down Takashi’s cheek when he came back that day and saw Adam packing all of his belongings into boxes. But it was gone so soon, Adam wasn’t even sure if it was real.

Then, he hoped Takashi will come around after he gets back to Earth, that some time alone will do him good, that it will help him realize he wants to be with Adam more than anything else in life. So he refused any contact and even when Takashi finally asked for him, he excused himself. He did it more than once, wanting the best effect he could get from that.

Two months in, he realized how stupid he’s been and how miserable was his life when Shiro wasn’t there with him, even just as a video call. Was his honor more important than Takashi, than the thing they shared, the love they had? Obviously, no. There was nothing more important than that and he believed Takashi thought the same, as he was asking for him every time he called now. _When the next call comes, I’m going to answer it_ , decided Adam, lying in his - not _theirs_ \- bed and aching after what he had not so long ago. _I’m going to fix us_. Cause even if he was wrong about Takashi’s feelings, he was perfectly sure he would be devastated if Takashi came back to Garrison, but not to _him_.

He thought it would be the worst feeling in the world.

Oh, how wrong he was…

 

Adam was teaching a class when Iverson came in and asked him to accompany him to the conference room. It was not a custom to pull teachers out in the middle of a lecture, especially the average ones like Adam himself. He knew there was little to no reasons to do so. Except for the one that he feared the most.

He started crying the same moment his eyes landed on a glass of water waiting for him on a table, next to a box of tissues. It wasn’t the loud, messy type of crying that usually comes after a sudden tragedy - no, it was a quiet cry coming from a long-awaited tragedy. He didn’t rub tears out of his eyes, he didn’t move an inch, barely even breathed. He sat there, frozen, granted with Iverson silent presence and a warm, steady hand on his arm, feeling a hole growing in his body, almost like there was something eating him out from the inside, eating out all of his emotions, depriving him of what was once called his will to live. Leaving him a shell of a man.

He was crying for the first time in his life.  

 

**THREE YEARS AGO**

“Adam, Commander Iverson asks for you.”

“He must want these reports…” Adam pointed at the papers he was just filling, some reports on students and their progress throughout the year. “Tell him I’ll deliver them in an hour”, he said, thinking the messenger will go deliver the message, but the young boy still stood in his doorway.

“No, that’s not it. And I think you’ll want to go now”, he insisted, looking rather determined.

Adam frowned at that, but stood up nonetheless and let the boy take him to the commander.

Weirdly enough, they didn’t stop at the commander’s office, instead, they went towards the area restricted for students and the messenger boy left him just before entering it, as he was not allowed there.

The moment he went through the door, he realized there was some sort of an emergency. The usually peaceful corridor was now full of people running different directions, shouting to each other and not stopping for a single second. There was no point in bothering to ask anyone where the commander was, so he decided to find him on his own - and three minutes later he was knocking at the right door.

“Commander, you asked to see-”, he started, but he trailed off, his eyes locking on something in front of him. The room was transferred into a temporary command center and the screens on walls were showing the thing all the fuss was about.

Adam couldn’t believe his eyes.

A soft gasp escaped his body, as he slumped into some chair, that was conveniently standing next to him.

“Takashi…”

It took him a moment to collect himself enough to hear commander’s grunts, but when he did, he stood up immediately and turned his way, hoping he’ll forgive him for his behavior and won’t notice the redness of his cheeks.  

“He crashed here in some sort of an alien pod about an hour ago. I called for you as soon as we realized it’s officer Shirogane.” Adam could’ve sworn he saw a peek of a soft smile showing onto commander’s face, but it disappeared as quickly as it came. ”I hope you understand that this is a highly confidential information?”

“Yes, sir!”, he confirmed and almost immediately glues his eyes to the screen, to Shiro’s face, feeling warm overflowing his body. He didn’t spot it earlier, but he looked a lot different. First, there was a comb of white hair at his forehead. He was also skinnier, had a big scar running through his face and Adam couldn’t believe he didn’t spot it earlier, but he had a prosthetic arm.

He closed his eyes, suddenly terrified of what was before them. Commander tried to explain to him what the situation actually was, but Adam was unable to focus on his words.  _What did they do to you, Takashi?_

However, he hasn’t had much time to contemplate the question, as a loud explosion came through the speakers and the screens immediately went black, turning disarray from the corridor into a full-blown chaos.

“What is going on?!”, yelled commander, running out of the room to obtain the answer immediately. Adam wondered if he should follow, but he couldn’t bring himself to stand up, his legs didn’t seem to have any bones left in them. If he was right, there wasn’t a point in standing up and someone came in just a minute later to confirm his assumptions - somebody kidnapped Takashi right in front of their eyes.

“I lost him”, he said to himself, forgetting to take another breath after he used his previous one. “I lost him again…”

If it was possible, the hole in his body grew even bigger than it was.

 

**HALF A YEAR AGO**

Since Sam Holt came back to Earth, lot’s of things have changed for Adam. First, he’s been asked to step down as a teacher and take initiative as a pilot of one of the new, enhanced ships the Garrison started creating after finding out some hostile aliens may be on their way to the Earth. Second, following, he’s been working really hard and been chosen as a leader of a small squadron, so now he had more freedom to search through Garrison’s database for any information regarding Takashi. And third - he had been assured that some time ago Takashi was safe and sound (if missing an arm and having to fight off thousands of aliens could be called that), which wasn’t a warranty he was now, but gave Adam some peace of mind. And when the Galra came to Earth, he even started motivating himself with Shiro’s accomplishments - cause if he could defeat Zarkon, Adam sure as hell could shoot down a Galra fighter or two. So he did and he soon became one of the most effective defenders, not making a single mistake during his missions. Until he did.

That single, very bad one, that cost him his life.

He knew he was flying into the embrace of death before anyone else did. And he was so afraid of dying, so afraid of leaving things the way there were, he couldn’t think about how his death would help to save Garrison and its people. All he could think about was that he never got to apologize to Takashi, never got to hear his voice again, smell his hair and lay his head on his chest. He thought about all the hurtful things he’s said and all the right ones he never got to. About all the calls he refused to answer and about his drawer full of unsent love letters he didn’t have the receiving address for, but he wanted to show to Takashi if he ever came back. If the Universe was merciful and asked him for his last wish, it would be: to see Takashi’s smile for the one last time.

And when the final blast of light was consuming him, he could almost see Takashi right in front of him, smiling to him, with his arms wide open in a form of invitation.

Adam wasn’t afraid anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thanks for reading this short, sad thing!  
> I would appreciate any feedback, so feel free to leave a comment! ;)
> 
> I am not a native english speaker/user, but I want to do my best so if you noticed any mistakes, please - let me know in the comments!


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